


Darkness and Light

by merilindes



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Depression, F/M, Falling In Love, Insomnia, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-18 10:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1424797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merilindes/pseuds/merilindes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Graham quits his job and moves to a new town to find a new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The car drove across the road speedily, Alana Bloom was driving while absorbed in her thoughts and in a slight feeling of distress. By her side, watching the passing landscape was Will Graham.

After a long time Will decided to finally renounce his life as special agent in the FBI, the time had come, he couldn’t try to same anymore lives while his own slipped through his fingers. Alana was happy about this decision and offered her support on everything he would need. That was why in that moment she was driving towards a city she didn’t know, far away from all the events that had proved so traumatic for everyone. However she wasn’t expecting to feel such sorrow has the time to say goodbye to Will approached.

The car stopped on a calm street, it looked nice with its small buildings, there were trees on the gardens and people walked leisurely up and down the street. In this street was the apartment Will had rented and that already contained all his belongings. They both got out of the car and looked around without saying a word.

 “Want me to go up with you? See if everything is in order?” She asked finally, but she actually just wanted a moment to settle the idea that she would have to leave him behind.

“No, actually I’d rather do this on my own, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not! Are you sure you don’t need anything else?”

“No, I’ll be alright. Thank you for everything.”

“Anything you need, anything at all, you call me alright? I’ll be here in no time!” She said hugging him. “Please be safe!”

Will smiled and hugged her too, he would miss her very much, her support, her company, but in that moment he needed to be confronted with himself and for that he needed solitude. Alana got in the car and Will stood watching her disappear. A feeling of abandonment took over him and he felt like crying, but he wouldn’t do it, there would be time for that later on.

He went up to his apartment. There were only a few boxes on the floor, he never had many things but only realized this when he needed to put it into boxes. The furnishings were scarce as well and only the ones that already came with the apartment, an old sofa, a small coffee table, in the bedroom a plain double bed and a wardrobe, the kitchen however was fully equipped, but Will rarely cooked.  “I should devote myself to decorate this place, it would be a good exercise to distract myself and maybe it would become more comfortable.” He might even find a dog to keep him company.

He sat on the couch contemplating the silence and solitude, he thought of all the things he had yet to do and felt crushed, actually if he could he would stay locked inside the house, for a month, maybe two, being consumed by depression until he gained new will to go out to the world. But he knew that if he did that he would never leave that place again, he needed to go against that feeling of inertia. So in the next day he would go to the local school, where he was called to lecture and say he was ready to start working. It should be an easy job, few hours and few responsibilities. Life in that little town promised to be simple and calm, and Will was hoping to find there the peace of mind he so desperately needed.


	2. Chapter 2

Life in that small town was as calm has it had promised. Will settled himself in the school easily, after all he was used to teach. Didn’t really made connections with anyone in particular but that was a trade of his personality. In his spare time he bought books and items to decorate his new house, hoping to create a comfortable home to live in.

However the nighttime was the hardest for him. Sleeping had always been a torment but lately it had became impossible to fall asleep, he was invaded by fear and anxiety when the sun lay under the horizon and as hard as he tried he couldn’t fall asleep. His nights were filled with insomnias that turned into ghostly days in which his conscious didn’t get caught in anything in particular, roaming between reality and dream. The dark circles beneath his eyes were darker again and he was paler than ever even though the sun was out every day in that part of the country. Will feared the sleep deprivation would make it hard to distinguish reality from fantasy once again, and that though hunted his days reminding him of the time his mind separated from his body.

 

* * *

 

On a Saturday’s sunny afternoon Will walked the streets looking for a new bookstore where he could find story books since he was tired of reading the old technical books of psychology and needed to fill his head with other thoughts. Without noticing he made a turn to a street he didn’t know and arrived to a small alley. Down the street there was a small shop with flower beds under the windows, and a set of tables and chairs near the open door. He approached out of curiosity, it was a pretty place, and he wanted to start appreciating the beautiful things again. He placed himself at the door trying to understand what kind of store it was and for his amazement he saw big shelves on the inside filled with books, and caught the scent of freshly baked cookies in the air. He felt a wave of nostalgia pass through his body, even from the door he could feel comfort coming from that place. Will remained at the entrance enjoying that strange feeling of comfort when he heard a voice coming from inside:

“You can come inside, there’s no need to stay at the door.” Will searched for the voice and found, behind the mahogany counter, a small lady of advanced age. She seemed like a vision, for moments he questioned if it all was real or if his mind was playing tricks on him again. He felt like the little red hen coming in grandma’s home after the wolf had been caught. What a magical place.

He smiled at the lady and went inside looking around. The shelves went from floor to ceiling and occupied all the four walls of the shop, the light was dim and yellow entering from the windows creating a mysterious atmosphere.

“Are you looking for something in particular? Or would you like a glass of milk and some cookies, just took them out of the oven!” The lady continued talking in a sweet and soft voice.

“Actually I came looking for storybooks or tales…” he said, suddenly interested in the cookies and milk.

“Oh but you came to the right place, we’re all about storybooks, if you allow the suggestion look in that shelf, you might find something of interest.” She said smiling as if she could see through him.

Will headed for the shelf and looked at the books, they all had stiff colorful covers with golden lettering announcing fantastic stories from distant lands on some writer’s imagination. He couldn’t explain why he felt so compelled to those books, he never liked fantasy. His world was filled with theories and realities not with fantasy and imagination. He suddenly thought about leaving without buying anything but the lady was still looking at him with a smile on her lips. He then decided to take the first book he reached and went to the counter to pay for it.

“I can’t let you go without taking some cookies, take a glass of milk with them before bed, you’ll sleep better, you’ll see.” She said looking strangely normal for someone who had just read his thoughts. Will didn’t know how to react and thought that maybe it was all just dream where she was his conscious in a seer’s body.

“Thank you.” He replied hurrying to leave that strange place.

 

* * *

 

That night Will sat on his couch with his new book, a glass of milk and some cookies he brought from a dream. He opened the book and started reading. It told the story of a knight who lived in a distant land a long time ago. It was about dragons, princesses, evil kings and dreadful battles. Maybe because of the story, or the milk and cookies or perhaps just because of the tiredness, Will fell asleep.

It was a turbulent night. He had a dream he was on a distant land and was preparing to fight a terrible dragon but only with a book and a box of cookies on his hands. Suddenly the dragon disappears and he was back on the FBI morgue. Slowly one of the drawers starts opening and Will could see Hannibal Lecter’s lifeless body lying on the cold iron bed. Will tries to run but all the doors are locked and when he looks back Hannibal is standing next to him, he paralyses with fear and in that moment hears the doctor say: “Will, it’s not over yet.”

The young man wakes up rising violently from the sofa, his clothes drenched by his own sweat and his muscles sore from all the tension. He stood up stumbling and looked for the window to catch some air. Outside the street was deserted, in the distance a dog howled at the moon.


	3. Chapter 3

In the next day Will decided to go back to the library, he intended to ask the woman what were the ingredients of the cookies, he was sure there was more there than just eggs and flour. In a way he was grateful for the few hour of sleep, however the price of sleeping was the awful nightmares that brought up everything he was trying to repress. While walking calmly he could hear the voice of his former psychiatrist echo in is mind, “It’s not over yet.” Hannibal had said. “What’s not over?  He’s in prison, I’m far away. I don’t intent to see him again.” Thought Will, decided to find a reason for those threatening words.

Thinking about Hannibal, after everything, brought a slight feeling of anxiety and dread. Will was a lonely kind of person, he barely gave himself to human contact and didn’t really take any pleasure off it. He had, at a time of need, let Hannibal enter his world and his mind, trusting him with his deepest thoughts and saw his trust be betrayed in a cruel way. To anyone this would be a hard feeling to overcome, but to Will it became difficult, for several months to even talk to people or look at them. Moving to that small town, far away from everything that reminded him of Hannibal and his treason, was the only way to be able to breathe again.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts he didn’t notice he had already arrive to the store.

It was Sunday and the door was open, the chairs and tables were out in the front and the flowerbeds were freshly watered, in the air there was the scent of lemon and cinnamon. Will entered the shop automatically, there was no one inside and the only sound came from a golden cage near the window where a little blue bird chirped happily. The man waited some time next to the counter but no one appeared. He had forgotten the reason why he was there, but he didn’t felt like leaving, so he sat on the small couch that was in the corner, and let himself be involved by the shop’s cozy environment. He didn’t know what he was waiting for, maybe he wasn’t even waiting for anything, he was simply appreciating a moment, something he hadn’t done in many years.

He had spent most of his life entering the minds of other people, he was used to know what others likes, what they wanted and what they were going to do next, years and years living a life that didn’t belong to him and felling that his essence was nothing but pieces of other people’s reality. Sitting there on that couch he retreated to his earliest memory. He was sitting at the kitchen table, on a wooden bench and he was so small that his feet didn’t even touched the floor. His mother was baking pies, there was going to be a party, and she singed a love song, probably French. He remembered her looking at him with her green eyes smiling affectionately. Will remembered the happiness that filled his chest and the smell of oranges.

“Good morning!” said a happy voice from behind the counter that tore Will from his dream. It was the lady again, bringing a lemon pie in hands with a big smile on her face. “Did you enjoyed the book, or came to complain about the cookies?”

Why did she seem to always enter his thoughts? Will wasn’t use to have strangers inside his mind. He got and approached the counter.

“I liked the book, but had strange dreams.” He said without knowing why.

“Our minds work in mysterious ways, most times dreams talk to us and tell us what we don’t want to hear.” She said calmly while cutting the pie in slices. Will didn’t understand why she talked like that and wanted to ask but was interrupted. “A slice? Just baked it. It’s my Sunday’s ritual, as I’m not religious and don’t go to church I always bake lemon pies.” and gave him a plate with pie and smiled as if she hadn’t said anything before. “Now now, go sit outside for a while and catch a bit of the morning sun, I’ll go find you a book to take.”

Automatically he did what he was told. He was sitting on the esplanade eating pie and sunbathing. He didn’t know what he was doing and felt terribly lost and confused, for some reason he felt like crying, but soon enough the woman appeared again with a steaming pot of tea.

“It’s chamomile, good for the sadness of the soul.” She said sitting next to him reading.

“Why is it that you always seem to read my mind?” He couldn’t contain the question in his throat any longer.

“Oh dear, we are all connected with invisible lines and they all talk to each other, we just have to want to listen to what they say and we have access to a parallel world where words aren’t needed.”

“But I’ve always listened to what they say, and trust me I wish they would just shut up.” He said irritably.

“Yes, but you know, you should listen with your heart not your head. And most of all if you connect with the wrong people you might end up hurt. So try to always have around you the good people, and you’ll see, the world will talk to you in a new language.” The woman explained calmly while sipping some tea. “And sometimes, there’s people that will bind to you and consume you, oh this is the worst kind, they can be well intentioned but I guarantee you, they will suck the life out of you until you feel like you have nothing left. You shouldn’t give yourself to those people, risking to lose yourself and not find the way back. And never forget, always fill your heart with love and happiness, it’s the only good way to live life.”


	4. Chapter 4

Will thought about what the woman had said for a long time. He thought he understood what she meant, something inside him identified completely with those words, however another part of him denied all that. If in fact there was something greater conspiring out of reach and sight of man Will blamed it, whatever _it_ was, for all the evil that had befallen him.

He was born with the strange gift of pure empathy, which inevitably pushed him away from people. How can you deal with both your angsts and those of others?  After his childhood he remembered being constantly alone, afraid to be spoken to or even seen, afraid of his own nature. Later he learned how to teach, in large lecture halls, where there was no need for real interaction, he shared his knowledge with his students that always thought him to be too strange to speak to him. After came Jack searching for him, and from there it was like if he had plunged into deep darkness. His job of entering the minds of the most dangerous psychopaths altered his perception of reality and for a long time he couldn’t tell apart reality from imagination. He was caught in the dark nets of the human mind and such left scars that were still to be healed.

He blamed himself, blamed Hannibal, blamed all the world and all the people for the hell he had to live in. For being arrested, for almost losing his mind, for not being able to sleep, afraid that the ghosts of his head would wake up and roam next to him once again.

He asked himself how that woman could speak of love and happiness so lightly, when for him such things were nothing more than blurred images on the depths of his memories. Again he felt like crying.

“I think you might like this book, it tells the story of a shepherd who’s looking for a treasure.” Said the woman, interrupting him from his thoughts, she was still sitting next to him, now holding a small book. “Come on, you don’t need to buy it, I’ll lend it to you. If you like it keep it, if not return it to me.”

Will took the book and got up from his chair, it was time to get out of there, he had entered the darkest part of his mind and now needed to be alone.

“I still don’t know your name. Can you tell me what it is? I’m tired of thinking about you as the man with the sad eyes!” She said smiling. All that felt strange to Will and extremely invasive.

“William, but everyone calls me Will.”

“Well my name is Julia, it was a pleasure William, see you next time!”

 

Will spent the rest of the day at home, he was feeling depressed and didn’t want to see the sun because it made him feel dissonant. He prepared his class for the next week and cleaned the few furniture of his house and then let himself be in silence in the darkness of his room.

As the night approached his spirit got more troubled. He had to occupy his head with something and, as sleeping was out of the question, he decided to start reading the book he had brought from the bookstore that morning.

It was a simple story that read quickly and there didn’t seem to be any complicated metaphors.  It told the story of a simple shepherd who had a dream, and departed in search of a hidden treasure. "What an idiot!" Will thought. But the pastor was a sympathetic character and Will wanted to know the fate of the poor creature.

It was already dawn when he finished the book, when he closed it he felt sleep take over his eyes. He fell in a deep sleep, and dreamed that he was trying to find a treasure himself, at the small bookstore, he had a shovel in his hand and dug right at the center of the shop. He dug until he was quite dirty and exhausted and suddenly felt the shovel it something hard. It was a big old trunk that he opened immediately. But inside there was the remains of a mutilated body and on the top stood Hannibal’s head that had been cut from the neck. Will turned away in horror, his hands shanking. Then the bloody head opened his eyes fixing them on Will’s, his lips started moving to speak but Will covered his hears with his hands violently.

He woke up screaming and soaking wet. He sat on the bed breathless as the morning already entered the room.

 

The rest of the day unfolded quietly, but Will couldn’t shake the dream off his head. He asked himself what Hannibal would have said if he had given him the chance. Probably that “It still isn’t over.” But that Will already knew, just not what it meant exactly.

When he finished his class he was still very upset, and without knowing why he found himself walking to the bookstore. The afternoon was almost over and a warm breeze ran on the streets. When he got to the alley he saw the shop’s door closed, the chairs and tables weren’t outside and there was no light on the inside. Will felt immensely desolated, he didn’t know why but in that moment he really needed to hear Julia’s strange words. He just needed.

That night he couldn’t sleep. He laid in bed for hours contemplating the dark, afraid to fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The week that followed was specially turbulent for Will. Every day he went to the bookstore after class but it kept being closed, day after day. He could not sleep for four nights and during the day it became more and more difficult to feel/be present. He spent his class exhausted and when he was at home he felt disturbed. There was a restlessness that would not abandon him and he felt trapped inside a dark aquarium from which he could not get out. He had started to see Hannibal not only in his dreams but also when he was awake, when he walked the streets, or during his lectures, he saw his former psychiatrist’s face in other people’s when he glanced, but when he looked again it was already gone. It felt like a ghost was chasing him and hunting him and he could not escape.

 

One day, after his class it rained violently, the skies were dark and loaded and the water ran down the street like a river. He stopped at the school gates as he realized he didn’t have an umbrella. He thought about going straight home, but the walk to the bookstore had become a ritual, even though it was on the other side of town. He followed the opposite way of home, he was going to go to the bookstore, it would be closed but it did not matter, the time he spent at home was atrocious anyway. People passed by him running and hiding beneath the umbrellas, but he walked calmly, the rain fell could on his face and his hair dripped, soon his clothes were soaked wet against his body.

He turned the corner that led into the small alley, and with surprise realized the lights were on inside the bookstore. A warmth grew inside his chest and he rushed to the unlocked door. Upon entering he felt the heat reach him through his wet clothes, there was a small fireplace that he never noticed and it had a gentle fire burning, in the air hung the scent of rosemary. He took a deep breath as if after a long time his demons had calmed inside him. He approached the fire warming his freezing hands

“Seems unwise to have a fireplace in a store full of books.” He thought grateful that someone had been so reckless.

Suddenly he noticed there was a young woman behind the counter staring at him with a serious look.

“Oh, I’m sorry, the door was unlocked, and it’s raining a lot out there.” He said bewildered as a response to her inquisitive look.

“Well, you can tell.” She answered dryly. After there was a big silence in which neither of them moved. Will felt embarrassed, he wasn’t expecting to find someone other them Julia there and suddenly was conscious of how his informal behavior could seem strange, it certainly was, even to him.

“Can I help you with anything…?” said the young woman looking to the books on the shelves. Will felt even worse, he had forgotten the purpose of entering there was to buy books.

“Hum, yes. What do you suggest?” he asked on an inglorious effort to save his reputation.

“What are you looking for?” Now she was clearly mocking him and that angered him.

“Adventures. I mean, adventure books.”

“That’s what we have more, can you be more specific?”

“Dragons!” He exclaimed violently flushed by the irritation of having to make such a sudden and unexpected effort of socialization.

The girl past by him without giving him a look and took some time searching the shelves. She picked up four books and took them to her client without saying a word.

“Thank you, I take them all.” He said abruptly taking the books without knowing why. The girl looked at him startled.

They both went to the counter and Will took out the money. While she went to get the change he watched her more carefully. She was quite young, not older than 25, skinny and tall with a long neck that appeared white under the shabbiness of her dark hair. When she turned to him he could see her eyes, of a blue so deep he sworn to be lost in them for a few seconds. As she realized he was examining her a violent flush colored her face.

“There you go.” She said looking angry.

“Excuse me…” he interrupted himself before leaving the store. She looked at him irritated. “The lady that works here, Julia, where is she?” He couldn’t contain his curiosity and concern that the nice lady had been replaced by such an unfriendly and antisocial creature. She seemed to soften after hearing that name.

“She is my grandmother. She’s ill in bed and couldn’t come to the shop, so I’m replacing her while she doesn’t feel better.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Tell her I wish she gets better soon.”

“And should I speak of you as the dragons’ boy or do you have another name?” She asked ironically.

“Will, my name is Will.” He said annoyed by the provocation and stormed out the shop without another word.

He cursed all the way home, thinking about how ridiculous he must have looked. He didn’t even noticed it had stooped raining.


	6. Chapter 6

In the following days Will couldn’t stop thinking about his sudden encounter with the girl from the bookstore. He reviewed countless times the words they had exchanged, and the image of him in the middle of the shop, soaked to the bone, looking dumb and stuttering would not leave his mind. He wondered about how she must have thought he was strange and awkward, and that bothered him more than usual.

All that was left was for him to read the books he had brought out of impulse, the four books about dragons and he didn’t even liked dragons. The stories, however were very exciting, more than he expected and he finished them in only a few days. Surprisingly enough he was able to sleep again but still it was a turbulent sleep, full of terrible dreams that woke him abruptly. Hannibal starred in all of them. However he could not help but to feel grateful, it was always better to sleep poorly than to not sleep at all.

 

After several days without being able to shake the girl from his thoughts Will decided to go back to the store, on the pretext of knowing if Julia was feeling better and hooping to redeem himself for his sorry figure before.

When he got to the shop it was not empty. A couple looked through the shelves and an old lady with a boy were at the counter paying for several colorful books. The girl was behind the counter, looking happy and relaxed, and did not see him coming in. He was caught off guard again, he thought that the store would be empty and that he would be able to talk to her at will, he was then obligated to throw away his prepared speech, he would have to improvise (something he hated doing, especially in situations involving socialization).

While he was engaged in his thoughts more people came inside, he was then forced to get inside as well and look through the shelves. From the corner of his eye he observed the girl who seemed quite lively and friendly to everyone.

His frustration grew back again. “Why in hell is she treating everyone so nicely when she treated me with such disregard? She’s nothing like her grandmother, certainly she didn’t grow up with her.” He thought imagining the way she must have seen him the day the met. “She saw in me someone naïve and defenseless, clumsy, without any idea of how to talk to people. She looked at me with haughty condescension.” He continued to think felling that all that affected him more than it should. He started to feel like an idiot for being there waiting to be able to talk with someone who despised him, so he went to the door to leave.

“Are you looking for more books about dragons?” Will turned around and saw the girl looking at him with amusement, he decided to ignore the sarcastic comment.

“I came to know about your grandmother, is she feeling better?”  He asked seriously.

“Yes, she is better. But still can’t leave the house. By the way, I gave her your message, she thanked and asked me to give you this.” She held a small package in his direction and Will grabbed it with curiosity. “If you don’t need anything else I’ll go take care of the costumers.” She said smiling briefly to then abandon him.

“Costumers?” he thought. “What am I then? She just spoke to me to give me her grandmother’s package. She thinks badly of me, and specially despites the informality of my relation with her grandmother.”

He looked at her before leaving, she was quite beautiful, her gestures were spontaneous and her smile genuine. He just could not understand why she treated him so coldly, only him. He did not stay to know and left the store with a package under his arm and no books.

 

He still had one hour before his next class and so decided to go up to the city’s garden and sit on a bench for a while. He placed the package on his knees and unwrapped the green paper that enveloped it. Inside there was a small book and a small bag with lemon cookies. Will ate a cookie while he picked the book, it was very small and old, so much that the cover letters were impossible to read. Inside the book there was a note from Julia, advising him to read it, but because it was a special book to her he should return it to the bookstore as soon as he finished it.

 

After dinner he sat on his couch to initiate his ritual. He took Julia’s book and started reading it. The story was different, it talked about a king that lived on a faraway land a long time ago, this king was known to be very arrogant and greedy. In one summer’s night, while looking at the sky, the king saw a princess that lived in heaven, white and pure, the king fell in love immediately. He started to wait for her every night, he declaimed poetry and promised her all the riches of the world. The princess tried to reach him, as she was starting to fall for him as well, but they lived so far away from each other they could never touch. The king fell in despair for not having his loved one just for him, and in great rage against fate he commanded a tower to be built so that he could reach the skies. Many years passed and many died in the construction of this tower, but the king could never get to his love. He fell ill with grief, and from his bed he looked the skies contemplating his princess up high. By losing all his strength and all his power the king became more humble and his heart purer and wiser. Then one day he woke up in heaven, next to his princess. “What happened?” he asked, to which the princess replied “All you had to do was drop everything that held to the shadows for I’m light and pureness, you could only reach me by renouncing darkness, that is why you are here now, because you’ve made peace with the world and have accepted light to touch your heart .”

That night Will dreamed of his mother in the kitchen baking pies, he remembers felling the perfume of oranges.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

The next day Will went to the bookstore to deliver Julia’s book, and for his happiness the store was empty. He stood at the counter waiting for the girl, he wanted to call her but only then realized he did not know her name. Suddenly she came through the door that lead to the back of the store. She was wearing a blue dress and her hair loose just a finger above her white shoulders, she opened her blue eyes wide when she saw him at the counter.

“Good morning!” Will greeted smiling as he noticed that she seemed rather beautiful that morning.

“Good morning. How may I help you today?” she asked with a slight tone of irritation, she seemed angry to see him at the shop again so soon.

“I finished the book your grandmother lent me, she asked to return it as soon as I finished and that’s what I’m doing.”

“My grandmother has a refined sense of humor, you must admit. To borrow books when working at a bookstore is like being a banker and lent money without asking for interest.” She commented too serious for someone trying to make a joke.

“I hardly think your grandmother sees me as just another customer.” He said regretting immediately as the girl frowned to those words. “I mean, sometimes it seems like she’s trying to same me.” He added trying to remedy the situation.

“Yes, I know that side of her. She often wastes time trying to save the souls of any person she stumbles upon.” She said not trying to hide a slight tone of arrogance. “Has she managed to save yours?” Asked after a short silence, she sounded defiant.

“No, I don’t usually let others mess with my soul.” She seemed surprised by the response as she was probably expecting him to say something silly. Will smiled realizing her surprise. There was something about her that day that made her seem especially enjoyable, he did not know if it was the dress, the slight blush that painted her cheeks, the soft sense of rosemary or the yellow light that came through the window.

“It seems wise.” She replied simply. She was bothered, Will could feel that she wished desperately that he would leave, and suddenly he felt that he should, not because he felt like it but because she needed him to.

“Here’s the book. Please thank you grandmother and send her my regards.” He told her, smiling, as she looked away for a place to keep the book. “By the way, can I ask your name? So that I can call you if I need your help next time.” He said in such a sincere and simple tone it was impossible to be taken badly.

“My name is Emily.” She said simply as she looked into his eyes trying to read his thoughts.

“Have a good day Emily.” He greeted as he walked out to the street.

 

* * *

 

Will entered the small shop it was already dark outside, Emily was packing some books and looked at him surprised, he waited a bit admiring her elegant figure. Emily tilted her head in anticipation and he took two large steps to be right in front of her. Surprised she did not know what to do so she waited without taking her eyes off his.

Will wrapped his arm around her waist forcing their bodies to move closer, and with his other hand he held her face pulling it to his. He pressed his lips against hers, moving them intensely, she responded by moving hers as well and by dipping her fingers into his dark hair. With both arms Will surrounded her waist pulling her against his body, and felt her warmth under the clothes. His tongue searched for hers and soon they joined, feeling the taste of each other. Emily had one hand in his hair and the other carved on his back holding him tightly against her.

With his strong arms Will lifted her off the floor, and placed her on the counter. He continued to kiss her hungrily, moving his lips to her ear and then to her neck. Then he stopped kissing her and with a small gesture unbuttoned her blue dress revealing her firm chest, Will looked at her, the small light illuminated her soft skin, her flat stomach and her small round breasts. Then he returned to kiss her neck, and went down to her breasts holding her naked back, pulling her to him. He kissed her stiff nipples and she gripped his hair tighter. After a few seconds she pulled his head up and Will felt her heavy breathing mingle with his. With both hands Emily pulled his shirt off, returning to carve her fingers in his now bare back, and again they became involved in an intense kiss. Suddenly both of them felt they were not alone.

A figure slowly walked through the door and approached the light, the vision froze Will’s blood. Hannibal was in the middle of the bookstore staring at him with a wicked smile on his lips. As he looked closer Will noticed that Hannibal’s clothes were covered in blood. Hannibal opened his smile wider and with his blood covered hand pointed in Will’s direction. When he looks at himself he realizes in horror that his own hands are dipping with blood, and on the counter Emily lays still and lifeless covered in her own blood.

 

Will woke violently jumping from his bed. Unable to breath he understands it had been just a  dream. The night was still young but he could not and would not go back to sleep.

 


	8. Chapter 8

When the day dawned Will was still lying in his bed staring at the ceiling as small beams of light started entering through the open window. The dream he had that night had disturbed him more than any of the others, there had been a long time since he felt inside the skin of a killer and had forgotten the harrowing feeling it caused, as if he was incredibly powerful but frighteningly vulnerable at the same time. He tried to search in his judgment for an interpretation, but everything was a mess inside his head. The appearance of Emily in his dream confused him even more. He was not aware that he thought of her in those terms and did not know how much desire he had towards her. Suddenly he had an urgent wish of seeing her again, but the dream had disturbed him and he was not sure he could look at her in that moment.

He got up slowly and took a deep breath hoping the air would help him fix his ideas. The clock marked 8 am, and he though of how nice it would be to have someone to talk to. Alana immediately came to his mind and without giving it much thought he called her.

Alana offered to pay him a visit that afternoon, after his class, so that they could talk about everything that was disturbing him.

 

* * *

 

When Will left the school building he found Alana waiting for him at the gate, she smiled as she saw him walking towards her. They hugged for a while and she took her time making sure he was alright.

“You look better Will.” She noted passing her fingers through his disheveled hair.

Will took her to a quiet coffee place nearby and she did not let him speak until they were both comfortably sated and each with a refreshment in front of them.

“Tell me everything now.”

“I’m glad I decided to move here, it’s a nice city and I’ve had a peaceful month. Nothing really happens and I’ve been able to keep away from the unpleasant memories, most of the time. The worst is when night comes, it’s been almost impossible for me to sleep, and when I do I have this nightmares that haunt me for days.”

“Tell me about these nightmares. Are they similar?”

“More or less, Hannibal is always in them, but the scenarios change.”

“And why is this last one more upsetting than the others?”

“I dreamed I was with a girl I met here. Then Hannibal appears as usual but this time he is covered in blood and points at me with a terrifying smirk. Then I look at myself and see that I’m also covered in blood. In that moment I know that I killed her and then I wake up.”

“And you don’t remember doing it? Killing her.”

“No, it was as if I hadn’t really done it but at the same time I knew it had been me.”

“As if you didn’t have control over yourself?”

“Yes, as if I was a puppet… Hannibal’s puppet!” Will realized all of a sudden. Alana smiled slightly.

“Those are all results of trauma, Will. Hannibal did you a great deal of harm and you haven’t managed to overcome it yet, I think none of us have actually.” She said lowering her head. “This girl, do you have an intimate relationship with her?” She asked trying to appear professional when in fact she was only curious.

“No.” he replied simply, not wanting to get into that kind of detail with her, it would always be a bit embarrassing to talk about those things with her after everything that happened between them.

She seemed relieved and remained silence for some time.

“Do you think you need me to prescribe you sleeping pills?”

“No, they give me restless nights and I always feel numb during the day, it’s not good for lecturing."

“And don’t you think it would be better for you to be accompanied by a professional, Will?” she asked looking at him with concern.

“I told you, I will not be able to trust one again so soon.”

 

* * *

 

Alana stayed for dinner. They bought some groceries and together debuted Will’s kitchen, in which only the microwave had yet been used.

“I always feel weird when I cook now.” She admitted while she cut some vegetables.

Will looked at her and noticed that her eyes filled with sadness, she had been more affected by all that than she would admit.

The evening passed happily between delicious food, cold beers and informal conversation that kept away from everything related with Hannibal. They laughed for the old days and Will felt grateful for still having a friend with which he could share the small pleasures of life. He felt happy, for the first time in a long time.

“I miss you there. I’m surrounded by idiots, they all take me so seriously now and look at me with such pity. I hate how it feels.” She confessed, drinking a great gulp of beer from the bottle. 

“I know, it’s as if we are hopelessly broken, I’m used to it.” He said laughing slightly. “Maybe you should spend the night here, you’ve had enough to drink.”

Alana looked at him seriously, as if she tried to read his thoughts. Then she got up and stood in front of him, looking at him in the eye. Will did not understand what she was doing and waited without making a move. She held his face between her hands and calmly led her mouth to his, kissing him a little too violently. Will could scent the alcohol in her breath. All that seemed terribly wrong so he pushed her away gently.

“Alana, I think better not.”

Her gaze became furious and he could not help but to feel sorry. Alana began to gather her things to leave.

“You can’t drive like that, you may end up having an accident.”

“Sometimes I wish I would!” she shouted violently “Everytime I look in the mirror I feel disgust, I’m disgusted of living in my body, I can’t take it anymore. I thought you could understand, you of all people, but I see I was wrong”

Will tried to stop her as she ran out the door, he followed her to the car begging her to stay, but she left without another word. He spent the rest of the night trying to get her to answer her phone without success.

He could not sleep that night, worrying about his friend and thinking of how he wished it had been Emily to kiss him.

 


	9. Chapter 9

In the following day he left home so early that the morning fog still hung in the air turning everything into a phantasmagorical dream. Will felt exhausted, he walked for the sake of walking and for the inability to stay inside the house another second consumed in his thoughts and insomnias.

The city was crossed by a small canal. Its waters ran quietly towards west and there was a walkway that followed it all the way out of town. Will walked down the pathway with his eyes lost on the water when he felt he was being followed. He stopped and instinctively took his hand to where his gun should be, if he had it. He looked back but saw nothing through the fog, he felt his heart race and his muscles stiffen up on the feeling of alertness. Slowly a small figure started to take shape in the mist, and after a second Will understood it was a dog, a skinny dog, that approached him to sniff his feet with fear.

Will stroke his weak pelage and the dog waggled his tail happily.

“What are you doing here buddy? Are you lost?” Will searched for a collar but the dog had none, then looked around waiting for someone to appear but no one came. “Are you alone? Me too. If you want you can come with me, I can find you a nice corner for you to sleep in, you can always make me company. The apartment feels kind of lonely anyway.”

Dog and man walked side by side towards home as morning broke through the low clouds.

 

As it was weekend Will could devote all his time to his new friend, he took him home and gave him a bath in his bathtub which proved to be extremely challenging since the animal seemed to never had taken a bath in his life, and the whole bathroom ended up in a giant mess. Once he cleaned and dried the dog he served him a meal with the dog food he had bought as they walked home. The animal was starving and devoured everything in the blink of an eye. The dog seemed to easily get used to the apartment, he was quiet and did not run at all inside the house and after discovering the window he sat next to it watching the street.

“It turned out to be a beautiful day, what do you say to a walk? There is a place I want to go, want to come with me?” the dog seemed to understand and immediately stood at its feet wagging his tail. “Well, let’s go then.”

 

* * *

 

They both got to the bookstore in an instant, the dog looked radiant and Will felt happy for him, and for being about to see Emily again. That feeling was strange to him, but he was determined to explore it at its fullest, thinking of her made a fire burn inside him and that made him feel extremely alive.

Will stood by the door and looked inside, there was no one there. “You know, this is how stores get mugged.” He said to the dog in a low voice. “Emily?” he called. His heart raced as he heard sounds coming from the back of the store.

“My dear Will, is that you?” It was not Emily’s voice and shortly after Julia appeared with a smile on her face, Will could not help but to feel slightly disappointed, but immediately tried to shook that feeling away.

“Hello Julia, I didn’t know you were back to work.” He said smiling and staying by the door.

“I’m all better now, I’m always better when I’m surrounded by my books. But are you going to stay at the door? Why don’t you come in?”

“I brought a friend and I’m not sure if he can come inside.”

Julia looked for who it was and was delighted to find the dog sitting very still next to Will.

“Oh but come in both of you, what a lovely creature where did you get him?”

“He came to me, in the canal.”

“They’re extraordinary creatures aren’t they, take good care of him as he will do the same for you.” She said mysteriously “But tell me, you did not come to visit me. You’ve met my granddaughter didn’t you?”

“Yes. I didn’t expect her to be so different from you.” He said honestly.

“She is also an extraordinary creature. When she was born I could see immediately that she brought wild fire in her heart. She’s not easy, she has a very peculiar temperament, but I have never met a kinder heart.”

Will wanted to ask her where the girl was but did not dare, he thought it could seem strange so he simply enjoyed Julia’s company that proved to be as comforting as always. He then took the chance to tell her about Alana and her behavior the night before, without sharing details about his past on the FBI and all that followed. To which she replied:

“Women are complicated, as you must already know. We never know quite what we want, but at the same time we always want everything. We can always look strong and courageous, as if we were able to hold the weight of the world on our shoulders. But the fact is that we are also fragile and sensitive and sometimes we just need someone to embrace us so that we feel we don’t need to carry all the weight alone.”

 

Julia, Will and his new friend spent the rest of the afternoon at the bookstore, talking and eating lemon cookies until the sun set over the horizon.

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

The following weeks were lived more happily than usual. The sun had come again to stay, announcing the definite arrival of spring. The weather was warm and everybody seemed more cheerful and in good spirits. Will had been caught in all that bliss and shared it happily with his new four-legged friend which proved to be a faithful companion.

Will chose Boris for his name and the dog seemed to like it. Every time Will entered the apartment after a work’s day the animal went to the door to receive him bursting with happiness, nonetheless he was very peaceful and well behaved. They usually took long walks together and at night the animal liked to sleep by Will’s bedroom door like a true guardian. This, however did not stop Will from having his usual nightmares every night, he would wake up screaming with Boris beside him with a concerned look, then Will used to get up and sit by the window watching the night sky, because he knew he would not sleep again.

 

* * *

 

In one particularly hot evening Will and Boris got out for one of their walks. The streets were almost deserted because it was almost dinner time and in the air hovered the scent of pollen and heat. Boris walked eagerly in front of his owner and they roamed the streets for a long time. After a while Will noticed they were next to the bookstore, Boris was happy to be there and showed he wanted to get inside. Will had the habit to go to the bookstore every week at least once, to visit Julia, who was always happy to see him especially when he would bring Boris along. He had not seen Emily again, and he had not gained courage to ask Julia about her granddaughter.  However the desire to see her again was not mitigated, and whenever he entered the shop he secretly wished she would be there.

But on that particular afternoon the shop was closed.

“Today we have no luck buddy.” Will said to the dog. “We get back tomorrow, I’m sure Julia will have cookies for you then.”

Then Will remembered he had no food at the house, not for him nor for Boris, so he decided they should look around for a store where they could buy supplies. He didn’t know that part of town well, but still they started looking for an open store, and only much later they found a convenience store with the lights on. Will fastened Boris on the street next to the door and got inside as the sky began to darken.

The store was big and cold, there were only a few costumers inside and a man behind the counter that only lifted his eyes from the magazine he was reading to see him come in. Will was walking through the store calmly putting in the basked what he needed, when he saw Emily appear on the other end of the corridor leaning inside a freezer. Immediately he felt his heart race and the blood rush to his face, he was so abashed that he dropped the pack of rice he had in hands causing a loud bang. The girl looked in his direction upon hearing the loud noise and was visibly stunned to find him. Will was frozen, unsure if he should grab the package from the floor or go to Emily to greet her, but in the meantime she was already walking towards him looking slightly discomforted. Will smile the best he could, too nervous and absorbed in her elegant figure to move.

“It’s Will right?” she asked not knowing what else to say since he was completely mute.

“Yes. Hello Emily how are you?” he tried to boot up from his idiot attitude, and stretched out his hand with a warm smile.

“I wasn’t expecting to find you here.” She said ignoring his question and shaking his hand gently.

“Yes, we got lost, and apparently have no dinner at home.” He said more distractedly. She looked around to search for who else besides him he was talking about but they were the only ones inside the store now. She seemed slightly uneasy by the reference of a third person, Will wanted to explain her that it was his dog but that attitude surprised him and he preferred to leave her in doubt.

Meanwhile a man who had entered the shop was walking towards them, as Emily felt his presence prepared to say goodbye to Will, but the man approached them both calmly.

“Good evening. I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the counter.” The man was tall and strong and Will looked at him incredulously for such a request, he searched the man with his eyes looking for something that showed he was a cop, but he found nothing. It was Emily who spoke.

“I still haven’t finished my shopping.” She spoke slightly indignant and irritated by the strange approach.

“I see you did not understand, follow me, both, to the counter.” And saying this he took from his jacket a shining gun and pointed it towards them. “Quietly.” He added.

Emily gasped and Will was startled but kept his cold blood.

“Well, there’s no need for turmoil.” Said Will calmly, holding Emily’s hand as he felt she was frozen with fear. He pulled her and they started walking towards the counter while the man jabbed the gun against his back.


End file.
